


put the priest inside a jam jar

by constanted



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Caduceus Angst: It's Finally Happening In Canon, Caduceus Is In Deep With This Crush, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Mid-Episode 85, Pining, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-02-01 07:42:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21443617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constanted/pseuds/constanted
Summary: “Did you get a read on him?”“I get a read on everyone,” Caduceus smiles. “I was asking a favor of him. A couple of favors.”(or: there's a part of caduceus that is very lonely. fjord helps, even if he doesn't know it.)
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Clay Family, Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein, Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 23
Kudos: 263





	put the priest inside a jam jar

**Author's Note:**

> your weekly caduceus-pov episode coda is here! probably gonna write some beaujes too. good episode y'all. title from "the bug collector" by haley heynderickx.

Fjord is sat at a table on his own, glass of wine barely sipped—Caleb and Jester are talking in a corner, Nott and Beau at the bar, so, well—

It makes sense to join him. It’s not Jester’s job to break past the Gentleman’s walls; it’s the Gentleman’s. He’ll tell her in the morning, if all else fails. He sets his small kettle down on the table. Fjord’s eyebrows raise. Caduceus settles down. Sighs.

“Did you get a read on him?”

“I get a read on everyone,” Caduceus smiles. “I was asking a favor of him. A couple of favors.”

And the concern on Fjord’s face amplifies itself, top lip briefly caught on his tusk. Fjord is sometimes a little bit too worried about Caduceus’ naivety; he doesn’t quite know how to explain that making deals with criminals is one of the few real-world things he actually has experience in. And favors. He knows a lot about favors. “Will you owe him something in return?”

“He likes rare tea,” Caduceus says simply, “And he’s easy to guilt. The Jester thing’s eating him alive, you know.”

“So he _ is _—“

“I’ll let him figure out how to handle it. And you should, too.”

Fjord looks upset by that, but he nods. And then, jokingly, “Is that how you reel people in? Learn secrets about their fathers or, er, father figures and be all mysterious about it?”

“What do I reel people into, Captain? I don’t ever fish.” And Fjord snorts. Blinks—_ God, _ his eyes are nice, Caduceus thinks. Just a lovely color. Like honey. Like those yellow flowers he’s managed to grow under the tree—and now he’s worried about the tree. He should reach out to Essek. Or Jester should reach out to Essek. But that’s dangerous. Everything’s dangerous, and _ Sending _ is a spell that Caduceus doesn’t much care for using. (It is easier to hear bad news secondhand, is how he reasons with his favor. If the Gentleman says that the Grove is dead and its sentinels are long part of the earth, he can understand that a serial liar is telling him those things, a man who wouldn’t tell Jester— _ Jester _!—that he was her father.) And Fjord is talking—

“—ceus, you’re floating off."

“That’s Essek who does that.” Another snort from Fjord. His smile is nice, too, and his laugh. Beau is making wide gestures at Nott, a friendly argument. He doesn’t try to listen. He’d like to hear Fjord.

“So. That fight earlier.” Well. He’d like to hear Fjord talk about something that isn’t _ that _. “You… you holding up alright?” and Fjord leans to get a look at Caduceus’ back, and Caduceus feels his face warming, and he’s really prefer to not get weird about Fjord tonight—

“It’ll scar,” he says, softly. “It’ll—Beau and Nott took harder hits.”

“Pretty badass scar,” Fjord offers. “You don’t have many of those.”

And Caduceus looks at Fjord’s scars—bottom lip, left eyebrow. Wants to ask how he got them, but that’s rude. “You have enough for the two of us. And more people are going to be intimidated and awed by your face than, uh. Than my back.”

“You and your back can be _ plenty _ intimidating and awesome. Look at the sweaty fuck _ now. _” And the Gentleman’s leg is bouncing, his grip on the teacup tight and shaky all at once. Good. “You do your mind reader thing on him?”

“Only a little bit,” Caduceus smiles, rolls his eyes. And then, unable to resist, he leans forward on his elbow. “And you think I’m _ intimidating_?”

“Not in a… not in a bad way,” Fjord stutters. “In a… impressive. Way. Like when you forced that one ship to parlay just by talking to it. That was impressive.”

He did do that, didn’t he? “I did do that, didn’t I?”

“And you sank a ship with one spell. Just a flick of your wrist. That was actively terrifying and I… was impressed. Very impressed.” Fjord smiles. Again, it’s a good smile. A good face. A good body. A good person. An amazing person. A growing person.

“I’m proud of you,” he says, thinking about it. “You did really well, today.”

“So did you. You… you’re very good in those, er, near-death fights. And that _ blight _ spell, amazing,” he hates using that spell. He hates spreading something like that further. “--and the way you healed Nott--and, well. It’s your sword that did the _ Banishing-- _”

Caduceus blinks. “It’s still your sword. It was… it was meant for _ you _ , Fjord, and you wield it, it’s yours. You _ banished _the creature. Not the sword, not me.” He takes Fjord’s hand, recklessly. Fjord doesn’t let go. But Fjord is a reckless man by nature. Caduceus squeezes the hand. Feelings aside--just a bit to the left, really, because they can’t be left out entirely--it is good to know that there is someone with him. He had missed having people to hold.

Seven months, now, he’s had people to hold, and it’s so much better than he remembered it being. Maybe it is because he was ungrateful, he thinks. Cruel and dishonest and complicated, and now he is kinder and more honest and more accepting of complication. He can appreciate love now. 

(Or maybe, Beau was right, earlier, when she said found families are often better, but--he doesn’t want to agree, even if he does, he doesn’t want to admit that his time with this family is the happiest he’s ever been, in spite of the horrors and the chained aberration gods and the surprise attacks. _ Cruel, dishonest, complicated _, he thinks, again. Why is avoiding wrongness so much easier with these people? )

(Or maybe, when Colton left him alone, they fought. It was ugly. He said things he never wants to remember saying.)

(Or maybe, what would his parents say if they saw him, now? Runt of the litter, all grown up, still too-small and too-strange and too-stupid, but _ grown. _He does not want to think about how long people have been gone, he did not ask for numbers at the Kiln, because they don’t matter and he doesn’t want them to matter. Nott asks him how old he is, and while he’s curious, he doesn’t want to know. He knows when Mom and Corrin left. He knows how old he was then. He stopped keeping track around then. Most of them did.)

He looks at Fjord. Wants to lean into Fjord’s chest, be held tighter. Be held in a way that he’s not been held before. “I’m glad that I have all of you,” he says instead. “I’m glad that… She wanted me to find you.”

“In that cell,” Fjord says, slow, soft, “I _ was _ praying for a miracle. I don’t know who I was praying to, but, well… _ You _ showed up.”

Caduceus feels something uncomfortable in his throat and something nearly lighting his cheeks aflame. He wishes he were quicker and cleverer, all of the sudden. He wishes he was a miracle.

“I was praying for a miracle, too,” Caduceus says. "When I was alone. I prayed a long time. I'm... it's beyond miraculous, this--us. All of us." Looks down. Stands up. Fjord stands too. Caduceus shakes his head. Lets go of Fjord’s hand after one last squeeze, a near kiss to the knuckles in what probably passes off as a clumsy motion. “I’m gonna go to bed. It’s been a day.”

“Let me go with you. In case--well. You need someone to protect you.”

Caduceus laughs. “O, brave paladin, how can I thank you?”

And Fjord smirks, takes Caduceus’ hand again, and leads him out the room.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @yahooanswer  
kudo comment etc please!!!


End file.
